Motherhood means different things to different women. While many see it as giving birth to babies and nurturing them to adulthood, some women perceive motherhood as having children and just caring for them in the early stages of life. And so, they just give birth to their kids and pass them on to some other people such as nannies or relatives to bring up for them. But in actual fact, motherhood is a task that goes beyond bringing kids into the world, nurturing them at infancy and seeing them through school. It is a lifetime affair. For as long as a mother lives, she must be there for her children even after the children are married. She is expected to take interest in the wellbeing of her children, praying for their success and protection, and offering useful advice when necessary.
Mothers are often closer to their female children, and they are always handy to help take care of their grandchildren especially those from their female children. Mothers are, therefore, expected to give their daughters good advice on issues whenever they ask for such, and whenever they observe certain occurrences that require their motherly advice while in their daughters’ matrimonial homes to care for their grandchildren. Ladies often look up to their mothers in this respect because the mothers are more experienced than them in marital issues and they trust that their mothers would not lead them astray.
However, several mothers have misled their daughters by giving them wrong advice when the need for motherly advice arose. Some women are bad or wicked by nature and have passed their traits to their daughters, who in their naivety and trust in their mothers, did not stop to ponder their mothers’ advice but went ahead sheepishly to do exactly as they counselled. As a result, many women’s marriages and lives have been ruined.
A woman reportedly told her daughter never to allow her husband to become more successful in life than her, because if that happened, he would leave her for other women or marry more wives after her. The lady is from a polygamous family and her mother, who was her father’s first wife, told her that it was when her father became rich that he began to marry more wives. She then indoctrinated her daughter that all men are like her father and as such, the only way her husband would not marry more wives was for her to see to it that he did not make it in life, at least not more than her. And the lady foolishly took her mother’s advice. She did everything in her power to hinder her husband’s progress!
First, she employed the use of charms which somehow did not work on the man, so, when he took a step that was to shoot him up the ladder of success in life, she vehemently stood against it. The man decided to resign from a state government job where he was being marginalised because he was not an indigene of the state, to go into a business partnership with a friend, and the woman refused to support the idea. She actually warned the man not to try it, and stopped speaking to her husband’s proposed business partner. Before then, the man, endowed with the gift of writing, began writing a book and the woman became jittery. Hoping to discourage him from continuing with the project, she told him plainly that the book would not sell. But the man was determined and refused to listen to her. He went ahead with the task and any other thing he wanted to do without his wife’s support. The book was finished and launched, and contrary to the woman’s prophecy, all copies printed were sold! He also went into that business with his partner and it wasn’t long after the take-off of the business that the marriage collapsed. The woman’s mother succeeded in ruining her life and marriage because life became problematic for her after the collapse of her marriage.
Another mother advised her daughter to find a man other than her husband to impregnate her when pregnancy was not forthcoming after five years of marriage. She told her daughter that it was the only way her parents-in-law would not throw her out of her matrimonial home. She assured her that no one would know the truth, and though the daughter would not hear of it initially, she gave in eventually. But the truth always has a way of coming out. It cannot be hidden for too long. The lady was exposed when the man who impregnated her discovered that his wife could not bear him children. He decided to look for her and demanded for the two children she had with him. And of course, that marked the end of her marriage.
There was yet another woman who advised her daughter to commit adultery for money when her husband lost his job and her own business was going down for lack of adequate funding. They had kids to take care of and as the situation grew worse, she visited her mother for counselling on what to do. Meanwhile, a friend had introduced her to one rich man who wanted a romantic affair with her. She had turned him down but her mother advised her to go ahead and grant the man his wish so he could help her with enough cash to stock her shop. And she did. Immediately, she began to swim in money and started to disrespect her husband but it wasn’t long before she was exposed. She got thrown out of her matrimonial home and shortly after, her husband bounced back financially as an old friend helped him with resources to finance a big contract that he landed.
Now, how on earth could a mother advise her daughter to engage in extra-marital affairs for money? Or what kind of mother counsels her daughter to have secret love affairs outside her marriage in a bid to have kids and give another man’s children to her husband to father? And how can a mother advise her daughter to hinder her husband’s progress in life just to prevent him from marrying more wives? There are different kinds of mothers in this world, and the character of a mother dictates the quality of advice that she offers. A good mother will always give good advice while a bad mother will dish out the same stuff that she is made of any day.
While it is good to seek elderly especially motherly advice when necessary, women must take heed not to swallow every counsel they receive hook, line and sinker. The intellect must be put to work before putting anyone’s advice including advice from one’s own mother into action. Those mothers are human beings in the first place and that means they too can make mistakes. So, it does not mean that every advice a mother gives is good even if it was given in good faith. Then some mothers give advice based on their own personal experiences, and they may be wrong in their judgements sometimes. That something unpleasant happened to them does not necessarily mean it will happen to their daughters. And some mothers are naturally unreasonable, bad or wicked. Some mothers are selfish by nature and as such, cannot give good advice to their children.
Women must learn to weigh the pros and cons of the advice they receive from people including their own mothers before implementing them. It is your life we are talking about and when the chips are down, you are the one who will suffer the consequences of your actions. A woman must know what she wants and defy any advice that will not augur well for her, her marriage and kids no matter who it came from.
Mothers on their part must watch the kind of counsel they give their children especially married daughters. They should consider the long-term happiness of their children and not just the immediate when offering advice to their kids. Any piece of advice that will only solve a problem in the immediate but has the tendency to cause problems in future should be shunned. Mothers should pray for their daughters and teach them to pray and exercise patience. Whenever they encounter problems, they should counsel them to go to God in prayers and possibly involve genuine men and women of God while they themselves join in the prayers. With prayer and patience, they will overcome.
In addition to prayer and patience, mothers whose daughters are experiencing financial hardships in their matrimonial homes should advise their daughters to take up available menial jobs pending when they would secure befitting ones, rather than commit adultery or abandon their spouses in times of need. And if the mothers have the means to help their needy daughters financially, they should not hesitate to do so. That someone’s child is married does not mean one shouldn’t offer him or her assistance whenever the need arises. It is part of the task of motherhood to see to the wellbeing of one’s children whether married or not to save them from agony and frustration, as well as the temptation of indulging in criminal and immoral tendencies. Married daughters looking for the fruit of the womb must be told to pray and wait on God, who is the Giver of children, and not to do something that would bring shame to their families and ruin their marital unions as well as the lives of their children.
By Nike Oluwole.
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