The Misery Of The Male Child Syndrome

The Misery Of The Male Child Syndrome

Penultimate week, we discussed the suffering that women go through as a result of infertility. In that piece, we examined the unjust treatments meted out to women by their spouses and in-laws which often end up in divorce because many men and their parents cannot cope with childlessness especially in this part of the world where adoption is not an acceptable option. This week, we are discussing another child-related subject, which causes women to suffer in their matrimonial homes as much as infertility. The male child syndrome, a situation in which men insist on having male children, is prevalent in the southern part of the country, especially the South-eastern axis.

Many women are being despised by their husbands and parents-in-law, especially mothers-in-law, not because they do not have children, but because they do not have male children. The men and their families blame the women for being unable to bear male children, and subject them to all manner of emotional trauma in their quest for male kids. They see female children as not good enough as they would eventually leave the family to be joined to their own husbands. They despise female children who would one day drop the family names for their spouses’ names. Wealthy men are often desperate for male children who would not only carry on the family names when they are gone but also run the family businesses they laboured so much to build. They would stop at nothing including marrying other wives to have their hearts’ desire.

Some even divorce their wives for giving birth to female children only, before marrying other wives. Such men are so callous as to even abandon their female kids with their mothers. Others who really love their wives allow them to remain but insist on bringing in more wives who would bear them their heir apparent. They usually take such decision after giving the women what they consider enough time to produce male kids without success. Within that period, the women usually end up having more kids than they would have had, as they keep getting pregnant in the hope of having a male child. It gets to a point that the men run out of patience, concluding that the women could never bear male children. The next thing a man in this situation does is to marry another wife, believing that the new wife would produce the miracle child. And then, trouble starts in the home between the two women due to pettiness and jealousy that women are known for. The first woman is often neglected even if she is not sent packing from her matrimonial home, especially if the new wife meets the expectation of their husband by giving birth to a male child. The new wife in such situation becomes the toast of their husband and his family, who would pamper her at the expense of the first wife.

This unfair treatment that women receive as a result of the male child syndrome has led many into taking some desperate steps to bear male children for their husbands. Some women have been said to visit native doctors in their quest for male children to satisfy their husbands. The native doctors usually give them concoctions to eat and drink or take them to some deities to ask for male children. The result of such visits is that male children are given to those women from the spirit world and many of such children do not grow up to become good people. They are often associated with crime and all sorts of bad habits. And those of them who manage to become responsible are recalled by the evil spirits that gave them to their parents prematurely. They die at a time it would be most painful to their parents, usually in the wake of their success in life, when their parents ought to be enjoying the fruit of their labour on those children.

Aside from having male children through native doctors, there have been reports of some women stealing or buying newly-born male children from hospitals with the connivance of doctors and nurses. Such medical practitioners swap the women’s female kids with males who are delivered the same periods in their hospitals. Such babies would grow up exhibiting traits totally different from those of their families because they are actually not from those families. And if eventually, the truth comes out about the children, the women still end up losing their spouses that they were trying to keep in the first place. So, at the end of the day, such desperate measures are not worth the trouble, but the women embark on them all the same out of extreme anxiety and the desire to save their marriages, hoping that they would get away with them.

One housewife in Asaba, Delta State, recently landed herself in big trouble in an attempt to fulfill her husband’s desire for male children. The woman, simply identified as Margaret, was said to have been ordered by her husband to give birth to male children or he would divorce her. Margaret, who was pregnant at the time her husband made the threat, was desperate to save her marriage, and therefore, decided to hatch a plan. Her friend was also said to be pregnant and both of them were due for delivery about the same period. Margaret’s husband was working with an oil company and his duty post was outside Asaba, while Margaret and her female children lived in Asaba. He came to Asaba to see his family and returned to his duty post from time to time.

When Margaret and her friend underwent scanning and were told that Margaret was carrying a female child while her friend’s baby was a male, she arranged to borrow her friend’s son to present to her husband and return the child when her husband returned to his base. Her plan was ostensibly to tell her husband after returning the child to his biological mother that the boy had died or had been stolen. At least by that time, her husband would have believed that she actually had a male child and what happened to the boy was not her fault. Margaret went ahead to inform her husband that the scanning had revealed that she was carrying a set of twins consisting of a boy and a girl. Her elated husband began to pamper and shower her with gifts from that moment till she delivered. Fortunately for Margaret, her husband had returned to base when it was time for her to give birth. Her friend on the other hand had given birth to her son five days earlier. Margaret did not waste time in the hospital. She arranged for her immediate discharge and quickly went to collect her friend’s son as agreed.

Margaret promptly informed her husband that she had given birth to a set of twins – a boy and a girl, and the man began to celebrate the arrival of a son at last on a high scale. When the news of the big time celebration filtered to Margaret’s friend, she asked her friend to return her child, apparently sensing that it might not be easy to collect her son back by the time Margaret’s husband arrived from his duty post. But Margaret refused to return the child, saying she wanted her husband to see the boy before returning him. In desperation, Margaret’s friend headed for the police station to report the matter. The police promptly arrested Margaret for child theft and subsequently charged her to court. The state Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO), ASP Charles Muka, who confirmed the story, said Margaret might go to jail.

It is rather unfortunate that while some men would do anything just to have their own children no matter the sex, many others have their own but despise them because they are girls. More unfortunate is the fact that women go through hell to carry pregnancies to full term and to give birth to the babies that men reject with impunity. Men ought to be grateful to God and pamper their wives for what they go through each time they are pregnant and give birth to their babies. The quality of a child cannot be determined by the sex, for no one knows which of the children would turn out to be the child that would bring glory to the family. If those men know what women go through to deliver babies, they would realise the injustice they are doing to their wives when they complain of not having male children. God is the Giver of children and He gives the sex that pleases Him.

Even scientifically, it has been proved that women are not responsible for the sex of their babies. Biology teaches us that the XX chromosomes stand for the feminine gender while the XY chromosomes represent the masculine gender. Therefore, all you would find in every woman’s eggs are the XX chromosomes while the man carries the XY chromosomes. During conception, if the sperm that falls on the woman’s egg is the X (of the XY) chromosome, it forms XX which means the foetus would be female. But if the sperm carries the Y (of the XY) chromosome, it forms XY which means the foetus is male. The sex of a child depends on which one of the man’s XY chromosomes fertilises the woman’s egg which is always X, to form either XX or XY. So, in actual fact, if anyone is to be blamed when a child is female, it is the man.

Women have been known to excel in their fields of endeavour, even in those professions that were hitherto the exclusive preserves of the men. Women have been successful in engineering, medicine, law, accounting, business, etc., and even presiding over nations. Why then are men finding it difficult to accept the fact that the girl-child is as good as her male counterpart? The Almighty might just be saving them from having criminals for sons by not giving them male children, because He sees the end of every matter from the beginning. It is better to have female children who will give the parents peace of mind than males who will send them to their early graves. The men should stop being wicked to their wives and harassing them over what they have no control of. Women on their own part should not allow their men’s threats and intimidations to push them into going out of their way to produce male kids, because those men will turn round to condemn them for bringing shame to them by attempting to have male children through illegal means. Rather, they should pray to God to give them their heart’s desire and leave the rest to Him. A marriage that is bound to fail cannot be saved by getting male children through the back door.

By Nike Oluwole

(First published on November 4, 2010)