Infertility: A Major Threat To Marital Success

Infertility: A Major Threat To Marital Success

Inability to produce children is a major challenge facing marriages all over the world. No matter how much a married couple are in love, their joy is not complete without kids. Many marriages which started on a very happy note have been shattered by the inability of the couples to have children. Some couples in the developed countries opt for adoption of children to solve their infertility problem. But adoption has its attendant problems like the children growing to exhibit traits that are totally strange to those of the families of their foster parents, or demanding to know their real parents the moment they get to know that the couple they had called their parents actually adopted them. Besides, adoption is not in the Nigerian culture. It is generally not an accepted option for having kids in this part of the world.

Infertility in this country is often blamed on the women by their husbands and their families. Parents-in-law are so obsessed with the issue of having grandchildren that they run out of patience after waiting for a few years without success. The next thing they do is to start suggesting to their son to try another woman by taking a second wife. The suggestion soon becomes an order, which if the man fails to comply with, they would bring a girl from the village for him by themselves. By this time, the man, not wanting to hurt his parents any further after disappointing them by failing to give them grandchildren in good time, and considering the prospect of having a child at last through the new girl, would fall into the temptation of having sexual relations with her. And the moment she gets pregnant, they land in the village to perform the traditional marriage rites of the new wife. Even if the man initially puts up a stiff resistance to his parents’ order for him to take a second wife out of love for his wife, he would eventually yield when no good news is coming from her after a long wait. He had seen his friends and colleagues with their children, and he wants his own too.

In some cases, the husband’s family would send their son’s wife packing from her matrimonial home to bring in a new wife, while in others, they let her stay but insist on marrying another wife who would give them their much-desired grandchildren. In the latter case, the peace of that home disappears with the coming of the new wife, owing to women’s natural pettiness and jealousy. Quarrels usually abound in homes where two women are sharing one husband. Many women simply cannot take it, so they pick quarrels with their rivals all the time, which may eventually cause their husband to send the first wife away, believing she is the cause of the quarrels because she does not want to tolerate the new wife. This happens especially when the second wife becomes pregnant shortly after she came into the home. The man would naturally pay more attention to her, who is about to finally make him a father after years of childlessness. He may be over-protective of her, which could make the first wife jealous and feel rejected, eventually leading to the end of her marriage. She may decide to move out of her matrimonial home even if she is not sent out by the man and his family, just to avoid the quarrels and seeing her husband show so much love to another woman.

There are cases where the new wife goes diabolical and uses evil means to separate the first wife from her husband. She knew quite alright that the man had a wife before marrying him, but the moment she gets into that family, she does not want to see the woman there. She wants the man and the home all to herself, so she employs evil means, physical or spiritual, to send her packing. That is the extent to which infertility goes in breaking marriages. Children bring lots of joy to matrimonial homes, as the couples are often excited to see the products of their union. This is the reason children are called bundles of joy. And everyone, especially the men, desires to have kids who would carry on their family names when they are gone. As a result, lack of children takes away peace and happiness from matrimonial homes.

But contrary to views that women are to blame for their inability to produce children, infertility can be traced to the men also. Medical science has proved that some men suffer from low sperm count and as such, are unable to father children. Other causes of infertility include Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) in both men and women, gynecological problems in women, frequent abortions leading to damaged wombs, etc. There may be nothing physically or medically wrong with a married couple, yet they are unable to have children. This is often due to spiritual attacks against the family, which require serious spiritual warfare and a lot of patience to overcome. On the whole, some infertile couples overcome their inability to have children after a period of treatment and prayers, while others end up in frustration and divorce.

Moved by the agony and frustration of childless couples, a British professor emeritus at the University of Cambridge, Robert Edwards, developed a method of helping infertile couples to have their own children. Known as in vitro fertilisation (IVF) or test tube baby method, it involves removing an egg from a woman and mixing it with sperm in a laboratory, allowing it to divide or fertilise in four or five days and then, implanting it in the womb to grow into a baby. Prof. Edwards caught the vision in the 1960s when he gazed into a microscope in his Cambridge University and got inspired by the miracle of human life taking place outside the body. Then, he embarked on the research work with a colleague, Dr. Patrick Steptoe, now deceased. Their research led to the birth of the first test tube baby on July 25, 1978. And today, the IVF research has helped to bring four million infants into the world!

The 85-year-old medical guru has brought joy to many couples and saved countless marriages across the globe through his research efforts which were not without obstacles. There were criticisms from religious circles that the IVF method of reproduction was morally wrong, while scientists expressed worry about the safety of embryos. Government officials preferred to limit fertility than treat infertility, and there were concerns about the health of the test tube babies. However, the first test tube baby, Louise Brown has become a living testimony to the fact that IVF babies are healthy. Louise, now 32, has not only been healthy but also gave birth to a son she conceived naturally in 2007. As a result of these criticisms and skepticisms, the two experts found it difficult to find a willing clinic from which they could consult. But they remained focused and determined to nurture their vision into reality. And even when Steptoe died in 1988, Edwards continued the good work.

For his contribution to humanity, therefore, Prof. Edwards was early this month awarded this year’s Nobel Prize in Medicine. Announcing the award in Stockholm, the Nobel Committee noted that “Today, Robert Edwards’ vision is a reality and brings joy to infertile people all over the world”. Continuing, the committee said “In retrospect, it is amazing that Edwards, not only was able to respond to the continued criticism of IVF, but also remained so persistent and unperturbed in fulfilling his scientific vision”. Though one of the research partners is no more, the committee secretary, Goran Hansson said “Edwards deserves a Nobel Prize on his own” because he made the fundamental discoveries that made IVF therapy possible. On her own part, the first test tube baby Louise, said in a statement in Bristol, England, that she and her mother “are so glad that one of the pioneers of IVF has been given the recognition he deserves”. Another person who had cause to commend the award was Johanna Nannung, a Stockholm woman whose daughter Olivia was born after she and her husband underwent four years of IVF treatments. An ecstatic Johanna said “It was incredible. Olivia is the most wonderful and fantastic thing that has ever happened to me. In my life, I have always seen myself with a family and children. It’s worth more than anything”.

The man at the centre of it all is too ill to grant press interviews, according to a statement issued by Bourn Hall in Cambridge, England, the world’s first IVF clinic founded by the two researchers, but Hansson told newsmen in Stockholm after announcing the $1.5 million award, that he spoke to his wife and she was delighted, and was sure that her husband would be delighted too.

WOMANHOOD joins the world to celebrate this IVF legend, who brought happiness to hundreds of thousands of couples and helped to save many marriages around the world. We commend the Nobel Committee for giving Prof. Edwards the well-deserved honour, and call on his team to keep up the good work even after the legend. Nigerian married couples facing the challenge of infertility and are financially comfortable are also enjoined to avail themselves of the opportunity offered by IVF to overcome the problem and save their unions from collapse.

By Nike Oluwole 

(First published on October 21, 2010)