Another Marital Disaster

Another Marital Disaster

Last week, you read a piece entitled ‘Avoiding the Route to Marital Disasters’ in this column. In that piece, I talked about the recent dangerous trend of men beating their wives to death or killing them through some other means. I also examined issues that lead to such marital disasters and advised both the women and men on how to avoid such disasters in their marriages. The discussion was based on media reports of two men who beat their wives to death, one who shot his wife and himself dead and one, who slaughtered his wife with a cutlass, all in the month of August, 2010.

And guess what? Another barbarian has done it again! Mojeed Okeloye, aged 32, allegedly beat his 25-year-old wife, Adijat to death during a quarrel over a bowl of N20 pap (akamu)! The incident occurred at the home of the couple in Ila-Orangun, Osun State last week. Mojeed was said to be fond of battering his wife whom he impregnated at the age of 17 while she was in Senior Secondary Two (SS 2). That fateful morning, Adijat, a mother of four, allegedly took a bowl of pap prepared by her mother-in-law, who was living with the couple, and gave it to her sons as they had no food to eat the previous night. Before then, Mojeed had been told by his mother that she had prepared a bowl of pap for him, following which he went to buy bean cakes (akara) to take the pap. When he returned, he met three of his kids drinking the gruel and an argument ensued between him and his wife. It got to a point that he descended on her, beating her to death. When he saw what had happened, he attempted to escape, but the neighbours apprehended him and handed him over to the police.

I wonder what the matter is with men and their wives these days. It was not clear whether Adijat knew that the pap was meant for her husband or not before giving it to the children. If she knew, she ought to have waited for him to return to make him see reason why the pap should be given to the kids instead. But even if she forgot to wait for the man, a good father should not have taken offence at what his wife did when it was in the interest of his children whom he failed to provide for. And he still had the bean cakes he went to buy anyway, so, he could have survived on them without the pap, and just let the children take it. It all boils down to the issue of lack of patience and self-control. A man must be able to control his anger, otherwise he will do things he will later regret. And the mother-in-law who prepared the pap for her son, didn’t she know that the kids did not have anything to eat the previous night, and as such, they should be the ones to drink that pap and not their father? And if their father must have it, why didn’t she make provision for the kids also? Now that Adijat is gone, she has her four kids to care for.

Married couples should please avert these kinds of disasters by exercising patience with one another. Although the times are really hard, spouses can still live in peace with understanding and tolerance on both sides. For a couple to be fighting over N20 pap to the extent of one snuffing life out of the other is a grave testimony to the level of impoverishment in Nigeria. It’s a big shame that such things are happening in this country, 50 years after independence. And to think that our leaders are rolling out the drums next month to celebrate the 50th anniversary of our independence, even when it is very clear that there is nothing to celebrate. They insist on celebrating that nothingness, squandering resources that should be spent on providing jobs and making life more meaningful for the people in the process. But we leave God the Judge of all to judge and reward every man (and woman) according to his (or her) works. May He have mercy on the masses of this country.

By Nike Oluwole.

First published on September 9, 2010.