Need for caution in your choice of spouse

Need for caution in your choice of spouse

I read a story in the LEADERSHIP Newspaper recently about a woman who was knifed to death by her jealous husband at Ajeromi/Ifelodun LGA of Lagos State. The woman, named Onyinyechi, was said to have gone to visit her blind father at Apapa, Lagos, with their son on the fateful day. Somehow, her husband’s friend reportedly called him, claiming to have seen his wife with another man in a hotel. The husband, David Michael, was so enraged after listening to his friend, and immediately called his wife to ask where she was at that time. Onyinyechi told her husband that she was in her father’s house and he ordered her back to their house at Apapa without delay.

Not sensing any danger, Onyinyechi left her son with her father’s neighbour and rushed back home to see her husband. And the jealous husband pounced on her without bothering to investigate the matter. He was said to have stabbed his wife in 12 places including her private part, anus, breasts, stomach, bottom and hands! Then he called her elder sister on phone, saying he had killed her sister and that she should go and pick up her corpse in his room. Onyinyechi’s sister screamed, begging him not to do a thing like that, not knowing that he had already done it. Thereafter, the man headed for a police station to report himself. He said he loved his wife so much but had to kill her because of her alleged extramarital affairs!

So much for love, I dare say. A man claimed to love his wife so much, yet couldn’t trust her or even care to investigate the allegation of adultery leveled against her by his friend. What if the allegation turned out to be false? What if his friend that he trusted so much wanted to ruin his marriage and had to lie against his wife to achieve his aim? The friend might be interested in the wife and thought the only way he could have her was to separate her from her husband, or he might just be envious of his friend. And it might have been a case of mistaken identity whereby David’s friend saw someone who resembled his friend’s wife with a man and thought it was actually her. These are possible scenarios… there are many look-alikes out there these days. There was, therefore, need for David to investigate the matter before swallowing his friend’s story hook, line and sinker.

This is why ladies must be mindful of the kind of guys they marry or fall in love with. While love is an essential ingredient for a blissful marriage, there is more to a happy marriage or relationship than love. The man you fall in love with must not only love you but also trust you. He must also be mature and able to control his temper. A man who lacks self-control especially as it affects his temper is not safe to be with. Neither is any man who drinks alcohol and/or smokes tobacco heavily, or uses hard drugs. These things put a man in the mood to do the unexpected.

Surprisingly, some ladies see the signs of brutality in guys and still go ahead to date or marry them. They believe that since they love each other, they would be just fine together. It’s an erroneous belief. Like I said earlier, there is more to a happy relationship and marital life than love. Some guys hit their girlfriends at the slightest provocation, and the girls go ahead with the relationship, even marrying such guys, thinking that some miracle would just happen and those guys would change their character. A guy who beats up his girlfriend will keep beating her even after marriage… because it is in his character.

David had not even married Onyinyechi, even though they had a son together. Her elder sister Chika, while lamenting her sister’s gruesome murder, was quoted as saying that the couple only did introduction ceremony. She couldn’t believe David could kill her sister like that when he had not even married her. She said the guy had threatened to kill her sister before but she thought it was just an empty threat. Now, that was a big mistake… to assume that a threat on someone’s life is an empty one. Whoever gets so mad as to threaten to kill another person is capable of making good his vow, because what got him so angry as to issue such threat also has the potential of driving him into committing the act. So, such threats should be taken seriously. Onyinyechi should have left that man the day he threatened to kill her, and reported the matter to the police so they would warn him that if anything happened to her, he would be the first suspect. That would have kept her safe from that maniac.

I recently posted an article entitled ‘Avoiding the route to marital disasters’ in this column. The write-up was prompted by series of incidents of Nigerian men killing their wives both at home and abroad. In that piece, I advised married couples on how to live peacefully to avoid such marital disasters. Onyinyechi’s case is the latest of such incidents. Women should guard their lives jealously by avoiding men who exhibit signs of brutality as analysed above, or who are too distrustful or possessive.

By Nike Oluwole.