By Clem Oluwole
(First published on June 9, 2010)
I read with trembling the account of the recent calamity that befell a family in Ekiti State. The family of eight had eaten lafun – a cassava meal – for dinner on May 17, this year, and all of them fell into a coma. At the end of the day, three members of the family – two boys and a girl – did not come back to life. Their dog which ate part of the meal did not make it also. The head of the family, Mr. Kayode Ogunlusi of Ajegunle – Ekiti in Ijero Local Government Area of the state, said the meal, which turned out to be the last supper for the trio, was prepared in-house.
But why was I trembling? You see, lafun (I nearly wrote Lavun, a local government in Niger state), was my first meal when I landed Abeokuta from Ghana several some decades ago ago. My old man sacked me from that country when he discovered that I was paying too much attention to hunting expedition at the expense of my education. He feared that if he did not relocate me fast, I might end up as a local hunter in Kwanta Kesi- a semi urban settlement in Kumasi. The Egbas in Abeokuta could eat lafun thrice daily. I would not have been surprised if the Ogunlusis were Egbas. Whoever exported lafun from Abeokuta to Ayegunle- Ekiti?
Lafun is the opposite of amala dudu. Accompanied by ewedu or gbegiri (bean soup) or a mixture of both known as “abula”, lafun is a delight to the god of throat, any day, anywhere. I became so lafunised that long after I left Abeokuta, the cassava meal occupied a pride of place on my menu list until I got married to an anti-lafun spouse. And not until I read about the Ayegunle-Ekiti episode that I realized that I had courted and flirted with death for so long. But God was so kind to me… no deadly lafun came my way. And no sooner had I recovered from the trembling from the fear of lafun than my eyes fell on another report of a tragedy that befell another trio who ate esuru and egusi soup for breakfast also Ekiti State. The trio Mrs. Juliana Ademiloyo (57), her 7-year-old grandson and a 40-year-old labourer had gone to their farm located at Odo-Uro, on the outskirts of Oyin-Ekiti in Ifelodun/Irepodun Local Government Area of the state. The grandson was the first to give up the ghost right on the farm. The other two died on the way to the hospital. Esuru is a family of yam. It comes in white or butter colour. So, it should not be confused with Esiri, that popular Nollywood icon. Esuru is another favorite meal of mine. And now that it has joined the list of killer meals, I have distanced myself from it.
It is a great pity that death is often lodged in meals; victuals that we are supposed to eat to stay alive have become the doom of mankind. And I heap the whole blame on Adam and Eve who murdered immortality by what they were not supposed to eat. When God created the first couple, He clothed them with immortality. Adam was carved in God’s image. And Satan envied him. One fateful day, and this is a familiar story, the evil creature who was thrown out of heaven for attempted treason, sneaked into the Garden of Eden where he met Eve, alone and vulnerable. He lured her to the tree bearing the forbidden fruits. He plucked one of them and buried his teeth in it. A crunchy sound as though he was crushing a biscuit bone, came out of his mouth… you would think I was a (living) witness. In the midst of that sound came a long sermon that got Eve to give the fruit a bite, having been convinced beyond all reasonable doubts that doing so would not lead to death as decreed by God. Mission accomplished, Satan departed, gleefully.
After a long while, the lord of the Garden, Adam, emerged from his whereabouts. Eve confronted him, brandishing the crunchy fruit. Adam was overwhelmed with trepidation but Eve, a fresh graduate from Luciferian University, got her man to have a big bite too. Later in the evening, the Almighty God strolled into the Garden, feigning ignorance. The gullible couple, preyed upon by fear, went into hiding. God called them out. The rest is a familiar story. For their disobedience, He sacked them from the Garden and decreed death and suffering for them and their descendants.
Ever since the decree was pronounced, both life and death have been on a collision course. But a Ghanaian legend told us when I was a kid in Kumasi, Ghana, of a mythical native who volunteered to conquer death and return immortality to mankind. Osei Tutu, as he was called, set out on his divine mission which was to last for seven days. He had warned his entire household not to grieve in his absence within the period that he would be away. If they did, then he would lose the battle to recapture immortality for mankind.
On the seventh day, everybody was kept on tenterhooks. To shorten a long story, the youngest wife of the conqueror of death could not contain the anxiety any longer. She despaired and broke down. Others joined in the wailing. Osei Tutu was just a stone’s throw away from the house. The mighty man of valour heard the boohoo. The covenant had been broken. He made a U-turn and disappeared to the valley of death.
Women! Eve brought death to mankind; a Ghanaian woman prevented death from being conquered. Even as kids, who had several years to live (God willing), we were angry with the stupid woman. We desired immortality which she bungled and cursed her for years until we grew up to know that the story of Osei Tutu was just a myth. So, what do we do now to avoid food poisoning? I have a solution. How about engaging the services of dogs as meal tasters? Rather than pass the remnants of your meal to the dog as it is usually the practice, you should let it have the verdict of life or death. If the Ogunlusis had fed the lafun meal to their dog, the tragedy would have been averted because the meal taster would have sent a dangerous signal. So, when next I emerge at any of those choice eateries in Abuja or anywhere accompanied by my meal taster, nobody should try
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