Women and the Me-And-My-Husband Syndrome

Women and the Me-And-My-Husband Syndrome

Many married women hate to see their spouses’ families in their matrimonial homes. They have a selfish character which gives rise to the me-and-my-husband syndrome, a situation in which women want only themselves and their husbands (and of course, their children) in their matrimonial homes. Their own parents and siblings are welcome in their homes, but they cannot cope with their husbands’ family members visiting their homes. Such women lodge all manner of complaints against their in-laws whenever they come to visit, but don’t raise any dust when their own families are visiting. They can go to any length to convince their spouses to disallow their family members from visiting them, or to send them back quickly if their visit couldn’t be stopped.

Some women even use diabolical means to keep their husbands’ families away from their homes. Aside from not wanting to see her husband’s family members, such a woman also hates to see her husband taking care of his parents and siblings. She hates to see him giving or sending money to his family. They believe that their husbands’ wealth or income should be enjoyed by them and their children alone. So, they encourage or instigate their men to neglect their families and just take care of them and their kids alone. Such women often cast a spell on the men to forget their parents and siblings, while they take care of their own families. Whenever the husbands’ families make financial demands on them, they tell the men to make up stories to cover up their wickedness.

Meanwhile, those were the parents who made sacrifices to sponsor their husbands’ educational pursuits. And now that the parents ought to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labour, the women came from nowhere to hinder them from doing so. Some parents struggled and suffered to see their children through school with the hope that someday, the children would be able to take care of them and their younger ones. But somehow, their hopes are dashed when their sons marry wicked women who hinder them from caring for their parents and sending their younger ones to school.

In some cases, the men lost their fathers when they were young, and their mothers had to do all sorts of menial jobs to see them through school. Some mothers had to sell their belongings including jewelries and wrappers to cater for their children, while some others took loans to finance their children’s education. When they were going through all these sufferings to ensure a good future for their sons, their daughters-in-law were nowhere in sight to offer any assistance, but they suddenly emerged on the scene when the guys had become successful or at least, graduates with some means of livelihood, and decided that their mothers-in-law must not reap where they sowed.

There was a case of a woman who did everything humanly possible to see her son through school. His father died when he was young and so, his mother had to suffer to give him a good formal education. After completing his education, he got a job, though not lucrative and the mother kept praying fervently for him to succeed in life. He later got married, but his wife was childless for years. As a result, he began to consider marrying another wife but his mother insisted that he must stick to his first wife. This was because his father died as a result of his polygamous status. His second wife was so troublesome that she caused him a heart attack.

This woman thereafter went to seek spiritual assistance for her daughter-in-law to get pregnant. She became pregnant and because her husband is an only child, his mother stayed with them to nurse the child. She had three more children and her mother-in-law stayed with them to take care of the kids. As they grew, she was there helping to raise the children as their parents were always busy at their work places. While this was going on, the woman kept praying and seeking spiritual assistance for her son to make it in life and eventually, he became successful and built his own house, a mansion. By that time, the four children had grown up.

This family moved from their rented apartment to their new house and the mother was dancing and jubilating that at last, her prayers had been answered. But alas, her joy was short-lived as her son’s wife began to ask her husband when mama would go back to the village. Surprised at his wife’s question, the man asked what mama was going to do in the village. And his wife told him point blank that he had to send his mother back to the village as she could not live with them in the new house. She said they needed privacy and her mother-in-law would be interfering in their marital affairs. She went on to say that her mother-in-law may be poking her nose into the house keeping allowances her husband gives to her and complaining that her husband is doing too much for her. The man told his wife that he could not send his mother away because she suffered too much to raise him and send him to school. Besides, she had never interfered in their affairs to cause any trouble since she had been living with them in their rented apartment. He told his wife that now that his mother ought to begin enjoying the fruit of her labour, he couldn’t deny her that opportunity.

However, his wife insisted that he must send his mother back to the village and they began to argue on the issue till the mother-in-law overheard what the argument was all about. The man told his wife that the separate bungalow in the mansion he built was for his mother to live in because he wanted her to be close to him so he could take good care of her. But his wife maintained that the woman would not live in that house with her family. She told the man that if his mother must be in the same city with them, he should go and rent a house for her somewhere else.

After much argument, the man succumbed to his wife’s wish and proposed the idea of renting an apartment for his mother to her. The woman was heartbroken when she eavesdropped on the argument between her son and his wife, but she still believed that her son would not do his wife’s bidding. Unfortunately, the son did after consulting a friend who advised him to rent a house for his mother for peace to reign in his home, since that was what his wife wanted. Disappointed, his mother opted to return to the village rather than live in a rented apartment in the same city with her son. Her return to the village, however, led to her untimely death. Her son regretted his action, more so that since his mother left his house, things were no longer the same with that family. But his regret could not avert his mother’s untimely death.

This is the height of wickedness on the part of that woman and other such wives, and it must be condemned by all well-meaning individuals. How can anyone claim to love a man and hate his family? It doesn’t make sense at all. Wives who are in this habit must remember that they will one day become mothers-in-law, and their sons’ wives will do the same thing they are dishing out to their mothers-in-law to them. Wickedness has a way of backfiring on perpetrators. Women must, therefore, beware of how they treat their husbands’ families. Though many mothers-in-law have been known to be wicked to their daughters-in-law, some of them are still good and wish their daughters-in-law well. Such good mothers-in-law should be accorded respect and taken care of. They should not be used and dumped like the woman discussed above. Rather, they should be carried along and allowed to enjoy what they laboured for.

Mothers-in-law who help to take care of their grandchildren should also be allowed to reap the benefits of their labour from those grandchildren if they live long enough to witness their success. Women should shun selfishness and learn to show love and care to their in-laws, treating them as they treat their own families. This will increase their husbands’ love for them and God Himself will be pleased with such gesture. We must think of the hereafter in our actions on earth and fear God in our dealings with people.

By Nike Oluwole.