The Folly Of Cursing One’s Own Child
Unfortunately, mothers who suffered a lot to bring up and educate their children tend to expect too much too soon from those kids. Though there is a saying that to whom much is given, much is also expected, but the mothers often do not wait for their children to settle down before expecting too much from them. As soon as the kids secure white collar jobs, they begin to make demands that are beyond the means of their children in addition to what the children give them from time to time for their upkeep. They fail to understand that salary earners are not as buoyant as businessmen or politicians. Even if the children explain their financial situations to them, they just believe that the children are being irresponsible so long as they fail to meet their expectations.
And some of these women react so badly that they begin to rain curses on their own children. They make pronouncements in anger that work against the children, causing hardships and prolonged bitter experiences in their lives. Many lives have been rendered worthless as a result of the curses pronounced against them by their mothers who became bitter at their children’s failure to live up to their expectations.
I know a lady who got a job after graduation and did her best to take care of her parents and younger ones. Though her job was not very lucrative, she managed to train some of her younger ones in higher institutions. Then, she got married and some wicked forces that were opposed to her marriage afflicted her and her husband with the spirit of poverty. Things began to go bad for the couple as she lost her job and her husband’s business ran into problems. As a result, she could no longer fend for her family as she used to. Even then, she still did what she could but her mother refused to understand her plight, complaining that she wasn’t doing enough for her. Her mother made demands which she couldn’t meet and she began to curse her only daughter.
The woman couldn’t understand why a university graduate would not have a job and she just took it as an act of irresponsibility on the part of her daughter, and for all she knew, she deserved to be punished for not taking care of her mother. All explanations the lady gave to her mother that she was making frantic efforts to get another job without success fell on deaf ears. Unknown to the woman, her daughter was under spiritual attack and her own curses helped to worsen the case. This is why mothers must not curse their children no matter the provocation, because you never know the mystery behind the children’s actions or inability to fulfill their obligations. Rather, they should pray for God’s intervention. That woman cursed her daughter unjustly and it denied her the benefit of being cared for by her only daughter.
Another woman suffered as a widow to raise her son and send him to school. After his university education, he got a job, making the woman happy and believing that her sufferings had finally come to an end. As expected, the boy began to take care of his mother who shuttled between her son’s house in the city and the village. When it was time for him to marry, she picked a wife for him and insisted he must marry her even though the boy had his own choice of partner. Not wanting to offend his mother who cared so much for him, he had to jilt the lady he was in love with to marry his mother’s choice.
However, the woman began to make demands that were beyond her son’s means. She joined an association in which members tried to outdo one another in their costly dressing. And so, in addition to her upkeep allowance and clothes which the guy made available to her on regular basis, she asked for money for dresses that members of her association were buying (aso ebi). And as if that was not enough, she wasted the money and food items that her son brought for her from time to time, in an attempt to show everyone in the village that her son too had arrived. She gave out money and food recklessly, without considering the sacrifice her son was making to provide them. And as such, she asked for more when it was clear to her son that what he brought for her the last time he visited her should not have been exhausted yet under normal circumstances. Eventually, the guy had to tell his mother to reduce unnecessary expenses and manage her provisions well as his salary was not much, but this got the woman angry.
She found his comments very insulting, saying that her son, whom she suffered so much for, was calling her a spendthrift. She kept soliloquizing on the issue, and in a fit of anger, she began to curse her son for refusing to give her enough money and calling her a spendthrift. And the curses began to work against him. He lost his job and all efforts to secure another proved abortive. Even to feed became a problem for him and his wife. He couldn’t pay his house rent and the landlord ejected them from their apartment. So, they had to move into his friend’s apartment from where he continued searching for a job without success.
At first, people thought it was the girl he jilted that was behind his misfortune. But one day, his friend heard about a pastor who could help him and they went to the man of God for prayers. That was when it was revealed that his mother had cursed him and the curses were the cause of his problem. He was asked to beg his mother to bless him for everything he lost to be restored. He confronted the mother with the revelation and she admitted in tears that she cursed him in anger. She then pronounced blessings upon him and he secured another job.
What that woman did was tantamount to a woman who built a beautiful house to give her shelter, and turned around to pull down the house with her own hands. After suffering so much to bring up her son, training him till he graduated from the university and got a job, fending for her, himself and his wife, she decided to render him useless to everyone. She forgot that from his meagre salary, her son had to be a man by paying his house rent, water and light bills, taking care of his wife and other commitments in addition to caring for his mother. She wanted to have everything her son was earning, and when that was not possible, she decided to ruin him altogether so he would be of no use to himself or any other person.
The same also goes for the other woman who cursed her daughter. Those women forgot that they were doing more harm to themselves by taking that decision to curse their children because they were better off with the little they were getting from those children than not getting anything at all. They actually cursed themselves in the process of cursing their children without realising it. A Yoruba proverb says ‘irorun igi ni irorun eiye’, meaning ‘the comfort of the tree guarantees the comfort of the bird’. In other words, if it is well with the tree, it is bound to be well with the bird. That is to say if the tree is healthy, then the bird can perch freely and safely on it. But if the tree is unhealthy and about to fall, the bird that perches on it cannot be comfortable because it will also be going down with the tree. That is the case with any woman who curses her child in a fit of anger. She will also suffer the consequences of her curses because that child cannot be in a position to take care of her in her old age. And God help her if that is the only child she has or the only child who truly loves her and is willing to take care of her. For not all children have the burden of caring for parents at heart.
The love that propelled a mother to sacrifice so much to raise her child ought to also restrain her from cursing him, and propel her to pray and hope that things will get better for her child. She should not give up on a child that doesn’t seem to be living up to her expectations. Rather, she should give the child more time for situations to improve while praying for God’s intervention. Though there are children who are comfortable but deliberately refuse to cater for their parents who suffered to bring them up due to their uncaring and ungrateful nature, bad influence of their wives, or sheer wickedness, it is also true that some children are willing to cater for their parents but genuinely cannot meet all their demands. Some of such children are under attack which hinders them from progressing in life.
Mothers must beware of their actions and utterances against their children. They must show understanding in matters concerning their children and refrain from saying things that could jeopardise their wellbeing. Even when they are provoked, they must exercise restraint and control their temper. If the temper is not put under control, one could end up saying or doing things she will regret for the rest of her life. Before uttering words or pronouncing curses against our children in a fit of anger, we must stop to think of all we have been through to raise those children and conclude that we cannot afford to use our own hands to destroy all that we laboured for, rather than concluding that the children ought to be punished through curses. We need to be patient with our children and pray for their lives to get better so they can take good care of us. That way, we shall be able to enjoy the fruits of our labour.
The issue of prayer is very important because there are always forces that are opposed to our wellbeing in life and they can hinder children whom they know will take care of their parents from succeeding in their endeavours. Moreover, as we have enemies, so also the children have their own enemies from their workplaces, schools, neighbourhoods, etc., who try to work against their progress. So, we must help the children to take care of us by praying for them always. Success does not automatically come after graduation from the university these days. Some children may face unemployment for years after graduation. And those who are employed may not be well paid. So, after paying their housing, transport and other bills, they may not have much to send to their parents and it would look like they are not willing to take care of them. Every mother should, therefore, pray for her children to succeed in life and be patient for the success to materialise.
By Nike Oluwole.
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