Igi da eye o

Igi da eye o

By Clem Oluwole

(First published on December 15, 2010).

Nigeria is a paradox…a reminiscence of the Ancient Marina where there is water, water everywhere but none to drink. Once upon a time, a former military head of state told us that there was so much oil money in this country and that the problem was how to spend it. The tragedy of that kind of dilemma is that if you don’t know how to spend money, squandermania will be your financial adviser. And that is what successive governments have been doing ever since. The civilian administrations have not helped matters either. Pissed off by their profligacy, Gen. Muhammadu Buhari, the only saint standing on the political turf today, had to dismantle the profligate Shagari regime on the last day of 1983 in a bloodless coup to stem the nation’s slide into economic and fiscal self-murder. So alarmed too was songstress Onyeka Onwenu, when she crooned a popular number entitled: Nigeria, A squandering of riches. That hit tune heralded Buhari’s coup. And by the way, what kind of headline do we have today? You will soon find out.

For the past few weeks, the nation has been awash with tongues between our gangling governor in charge of the nation’s vaults, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, and the honourable members of the National Assembly over accusations bothering on the lion’s share of the national cake consumed by a tiny clique. Sanusi had accused the lawmakers of cornering a whopping 25.41 per cent of the N500b earmarked for overhead in the 2010 budget to themselves for contributing virtually nothing to the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Huh! I nearly wrote PDP. This translates into 336.2b.But the beleaguered lawmakers lashed back, accusing him of falsifying figures calculated to impugn the integrity of the occupants of the hallowed chambers. The exasperated legislators insisted that what was allocated to them was a miserable 3.5 per cent. They caged the lanky striker in their chamber and intimidated him into playing the dog by eating his disgorgement but our hero stuck to his guns. He would rather give up the plum job than recant what we all know to be the truth and nothing but the truth.

I love this Kano prince for his guts. He reminds me of a buddy named Lamidi. As kids, we used to hunt for crabs together by the river side. While the rest of us would rather consult an oracle before thrusting our hands into crab holes, Lamidi wuld push for shelly creatures and unveil them to our utter amazement not caring whether the occupants are snakes or scorpions. One day, a giant crab caught the audacious Lamidi by the thumb. He let out a wail. We panicked, fearing that at long, long last a scorpion had stung him. Grinding his teeth, he dragged the cruel landlord out of its hideout into the open, headed for a nearby tree and smashed the punisher against it. The crab disintegrated but it did not let go of the thumb even in death. I had to use my jack knife to free his thumb from the enormous pincers. But Lamidi was an epitome of courage. Have you ever eaten a crab before? It is that crunchy sound Lamidi could not resist. And he never stopped hunting them down despite the vicious bite he got on that fateful morning.

Yes, Sanusi, my Man of the Year hit the bull’s eye in the controversial lecture he delivered at this year’s graduation ceremony of Igbinedion University, Okada, Edo State, when he observed that so much is being wasted on recurrent expenditure at the expense of infrastructure. Hear him and I quote: “Ninety per cent of the tomatoes produced get wasted between the farm and the market. We produce cassava than any other nation but we have no (finished) cassava products. We produce crude oil, but rely on imported fuel.” Let me take over from there. We had more than 250 textile firms, but we forced them to close down so we can import textile goods. We ‘sacked’ Dunlop and Michelin so we can import Tokunbo tyres. We have all it takes to generate a minimum of 150,000 megawatts of electricity for 150m Nigerians, but we import all manner of generators and squander over a trillion Naira annually to power them. Presently, Nigeria generates as little as 2,500 megawatts. Someone told me we have just lost 800 megawatts. Phew, Nigeria! Whereas the Heathrow Airport in London alone consumes about 3,000 megawatts, while the Holy Mosque in Mecca snaffles up about 4,000.

Despite all the promises made by the late President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua to revolutionize the power sector which propelled me to waste my vote on PDP, the Giant of Africa is still languishing in the dungeon of darkness. Only recently, I bought a generating set (2.9KVA). After putting out a total of 50 hours over a period of four months, the Chinese product began to misbehave. I was shocked when my technician told me that the machine was bridging and that I have to recoil it. I cursed China under my breath. I also cursed the folks at the SON or Standard Organization of Nigeria for being a collaborator in the importation of the sub-standard machine(s). And may Sango fire those who swore to achieve 6,000 megawatts by December, last year, but failed to do so.

Now, the trillion Naira question is why are our politicians behaving like this? Why are they cornering everything to themselves? Why can’t they make the power sector functional so that the economy can sneeze back to life… so that thousands of Comatose factories can breathe again and demobilize the large army of unemployed youths… so that the likes of Dunlop can repent and beg to return to Nigeria… so that I can hurl my Made in China generating set at the Chinese ambassador to Nigeria… so that … so that…? Why does Nigerian democracy harbour executhieves and legislooters? Why are they pillaging our treasury and carting away billions of Naira into their foreign accounts as if there would be no tomorrow for Nigeria? Why are they behaving like igi da eye fo? Is it because an American Nostradamus has predicted that Nigeria will break up by the year 2015? Are the looters being guided by this prophecy of doom? Let us blame Gen. Abdulsalami Abubakar for this tragedy. He bequeathed to us a system that allows full-time predators to legisloot for Nigeria. I tell you.

There was this intelligent dog owned by my uncle. He named it Tanimola, meaning who knows tomorrow. This is a familiar story in this column. I enlisted the canine into my gang of kid hunters and we made remarkable hauls anytime we went hunting together. As the head hunter, I made sure Tanimola got his fair share of the bones accruing from the bush meat we hunted down in all the expeditions. One day, Tanimola decided to go greedy like our politicians. We smoked out a hefty grasscutter from its abode as usual, we allowed Tanimola to complete the hunt because we had been led into a thick bush. After a long while and there was no sign of Tanimola, we became apprehensive. Then we began to beat about the bush, calling out Tanimola. We were about to give up the search when I heard a crack that sounded like someone crushing a crab shell. With the help of the courageous Lamidi, I parted the bush. And lo and behold, there was Tanimola in a world of its own, relishing the bush meat meant for all of us. Seething with anger, I descended on the greedy animal, hitting its enormous head with a big stick. I was using to beat about the bush. A prolonged whine echoed through the forest as it vamoosed into the forest. I then picked up the headless grasscutter and called off the expedition for that day.



Now, what is igi da eye efo? It is an expression in Yoruba. It means when the tree gives way, the bird takes off. The thieving politicians strongly believe in the 2015 prophecy when Nigeria will give way and they will take off like birds to foreign lands to enjoy their loots along with their families. You and I should take the destiny of this country into our hands by meting out the kind of treatment I gave Tanimola and wrest our common wealth from the rapacious jaws of these predators. As for me, I don’t have anywhere to run if tree Nigeria is felled. I don’t know about you.